As parents, we often show our love and approval with general, enthusiastic praise like, “You are the best!” or “You’re so awesome!” Our intention is always good—we want our children to feel seen and loved for something they did that was kind, helpful, or a personal accomplishment.
But while these generic phrases can make a child feel good for a moment, they often omit the specifics of what they did and why it mattered. If we want our children to fully receive our appreciation and feel a genuine sense of accomplishment, we need to get more specific.
This is a subtle but powerful shift from praise to appreciation.
- Instead of generic praise, try specific appreciation.
By connecting your feelings to their actions, you are celebrating their behavior while also modeling healthy emotional expression. This way of communicating allows your child to truly feel your gratitude and understand the impact of their actions. It also teaches them how to express their own appreciation in a clear, specific, and heartfelt way.
For example, imagine your child helps you clean up the kitchen.
Instead of saying: “You’re such a good helper!”
Try saying: “I see you’ve finished putting the dishes away. It makes me feel so happy because it’s important to me that we all work together as a team in this family.”
This approach helps a child feel seen for their actions and connects them more deeply to you.
Pepa.