Getting along is a challenge even for adults. So, it’s not realistic to expect your children to naturally get along, share, and play for long periods without conflict. Nor is it realistic to assume they will know how to manage their anger and frustration on their own. But the good news is that you can start teaching them today.
The first step is to establish rules for peaceful coexistence in your home. Print them out and review them together so everyone understands:
- Speak with respect: We communicate with others using good manners and a calm tone of voice.
- Resolve your differences: We look for mutually agreed-upon solutions to conflicts. If the discussion escalates, an adult will intervene to help.
- Express disagreement respectfully: It is valid to say “no” and express your opinion without yelling or insults.
- Accepting “no”: It’s normal to feel sad or frustrated, but it is never acceptable to hit, be aggressive, or disrespect a sibling.
How to Act When a Conflict Arises
When you see a disagreement beginning to escalate, act immediately to teach them how to regulate their emotions. Here is a guide on what you should do:
- Separate them calmly: Before the conflict worsens, separate them into different places for an appropriate amount of time. Do this calmly and patiently, using a low tone of voice. Your goal is to be a good example of how to handle a tense situation.
- Don’t look for culprits: Avoid asking what happened. If you weren’t a witness, you can’t know the truth. If you were a witness or the conflict is serious, don’t ask—just act. Your objective isn’t to find blame, but to show that you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior.
- Guide them toward an agreement: Once the situation has calmed down, if they are old enough, invite them to talk and find a mutually agreeable solution. Help them by guiding their reasoning. If they are very young, simply protect them and offer a solution yourself.
Every conflict is a golden opportunity for your children to understand that things won’t always go their way, and that sometimes they need to adapt to others. This is how you teach them to interact in a civilized way and to set their own boundaries without needing to yell, hit, or get angry.